Right there. They are my reasons for recovery.
Every therapist I've had (I need a new one...if you know of a good one in or around Deltona, FL let me know!) but for one, and oh how I miss her, has told me that I'll never recover if I don't do it for myself and myself alone.
Well screw you.
I know they have their reasons and years of medical training to back their little philosophy but I think its crap to tell someone in recovery that they can't recover if their motives aren't driven by self-preservation. Truth is I don't really like myself enough to leave ED. Sure I like the fact that my hair no longer falls out, my throat isn't constantly on fire, and I have enough energy to get out of bed to make my coffee but those are all benefits of being in recovery...they aren't the reason I fight the urge to purge everyday.
My family is. One of my biggest fears is that my two little princesses, O (2) and Little Bit (2 weeks), will develop an eating disorder of their own. And that it will be my fault, they will have learned the behavior from me. I won't let that happen.
So for now, I eat for them.... Hopefully one day in the future I'll be able to say I'm doing this for Jessi and Jessi alone but for now they are my motivation. And there's nothing wrong with that.
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